The much-fabled seven year itch – that time when married couples start to consider going their separate ways - seems to be alive and well, according to the Office for National Statistics divorce figures released today.
The statistics show that the most likely time period for divorces to occur is between the fourth and eighth wedding anniversary.
The figures relate to divorces in England and Wales in 2012 and show that there were 118,140 divorces in 2012, an increase of 0.5% since 2011, when there were 117,558 divorces. This equates to almost 13 divorces every hour. Almost half of these divorces occurred in the first ten years of marriage with one in seven as a result of adultery.
Amanda Rimmer, family partner at Stephensons Solicitors LLP, which has one of the largest family law teams in the country, said: “While today’s figures show that the number of divorces has stayed relatively static, there is interesting information on who is getting divorced.
“Divorces involving those over 60 - 9,703 men and 6,026 women - is a trend which we are seeing in our own practice, as the rise of the so-called ‘silver divorcee’ takes hold. This could be down to longer life expectancy, a loss of stigma in being divorced and the increasing view that ‘we only live once’. If life together has become unbearable then couples owe it to each other to be honest and attempt to achieve an amicable separation.
“Almost half of divorces in 2012 - 48% - involved at least one child under 16 living at home, so it’s important for parents to put aside their own hurt feelings during a divorce, as it is the child who bears the brunt of any conflict. Children are at the very heart of the family so it is vitally important to make sure that they are shielded from the negative emotions that can surround divorce and separation.
“Rather depressingly 42% of marriages are likely to end in divorce these days. But while most people tend to view the break up of a marriage as a negative life event – and although it can be difficult for both parties, and particularly for children – where a relationship has reached the point where it has become toxic then divorce is often the option most conducive to future happiness.”
Stephensons offers the following tips to help ensure a divorce is much easier on all involved:
1. Keep communicating. Where parties shut down and are unable to communicate, or can only communicate through legal representatives, then a divorce can become bitter and extremely unpleasant. If you can at the very least keep talking to one another then no matter how difficult the situation might seem now you will be able to find a way through.
2. Be kind. It can seem difficult to be kind to someone you are separating from while protecting your own interests, particularly if there has been infidelity or one party feels they have been damaged in some way by events that have unfolded. However, you will not only find it easier to get to the end of the process without emotionally damaging each other further if you can try to be kind, but you will also set a great example to any children involved. If you find you are overwhelmed by emotion and need to offload those feelings try counselling rather than burden your children or close friends - it does work.
3. Use a mediator. No one expects a divorcing couple to be able to agree on every single point without any disagreements, which is why it can be useful to have an objective third party to weigh up the arguments for both sides and make a decision that is binding on both parties. This can take a lot of the pressure off when it comes to working out key issues, without incurring the same kinds of costs as taking a dispute through the costs.
4. Try to put the children first. It takes an almost superhuman effort to suppress the kinds of feelings that tend to arise even during the friendliest of divorces but if you can put your own feelings aside to a certain extent and try instead to work out what is best for your children then you will come out of the situation with a much better result and a much clearer conscience. Avoid turning them into bargaining chips, or using them as weapons to try and hurt each other, as all this will do is leave a lasting mark on the children and mean both parents end up feeling guilty.
5. Look beyond the divorce. Perspective is often the most difficult aspect when you are going through any difficult life event and a divorce is no different. However, it is the only way to ensure that you are able to see the difficulties for what they really are – temporary. Try to look past the moment when the papers are signed and start planning the life you want to make, from creating a new social life for yourself, to making changes in your career and trying to have a pleasant ongoing relationship with your ex, if necessary.
ENDS
Media information: Lianne Tracey and Chloe Kendall
Stephensons Solicitors LLP
Tel: 01616 966 229
Email: lct@stephensons.co.uk or cke@stephensons.co.uk